


Like a Fart in the Wind

by ChocolateCoconut



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Gen, No Romance, One Shot, Short One Shot, The Umbrella Academy (TV) Season 2 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolateCoconut/pseuds/ChocolateCoconut
Summary: "I thought you were dead. I thought I was the only one left."Klaus tries to summon his siblings throughout the early 1960s
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Everyone, Klaus Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 11
Kudos: 180





	Like a Fart in the Wind

It was all really all the fault of Maslow and his damn Hierarchy of Needs.

Soon after landing in Dallas and wandering around downtown aimlessly, in search of hell knows what, Klaus felt woozy and sunk down into a public bench.

“When was the last time you drank some water?” Ben asked. “You need to hydrate, Klaus.”

“No, what I need is a blunt. High-archy of Needs, hello?”

“It’s not H-I-G-H, you idiot. It’s H-I-E-R — as in a ranking system. And at the very top of that is sustenance. You need to drink. And eat.”

“Oh, genius! Yes, thank you, Dr. Alberto Einstein! Lemme just thumb through my Gucci pocketbook real quick and head to the Ritz for a five-course lobster dinner.”

“You could try getting a job. I saw a ‘help wanted’ sign at that restaurant back there.”

Klaus blew a raspberry. “Fine.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Benny, for once, you have a half-decent idea. Don’t look so shocked. Just lemme use the whiz palace first. The ole pickle needs a juicin’.”

“Gee, what admirable honesty.”

But Klaus had lied. He really just wanted a moment to himself so that he could try to find one of their other siblings.. (And by _find_ , he meant _summon_ , but _summon_ meant their siblings were dead and Klaus didn’t really want to think about that just yet.) And he didn’t want Ben to be around for his attempt because if Klaus failed… well, Klaus didn’t want to see the disappointment in his brother’s eyes. 

So, he slipped into the bathroom, quickly errr pet the anaconda (that bit he hadn't lied about), and tried to find Diego. 

Diego would know what to do. Diego would have some solid survival suggestions without telling Klaus he needed to resort to applying for a J-O-B. Gross.

So, Klaus scrunched up his fists, let his hands glow blue, and thought of his Avenger-ripoff brother.

Nothing.

“Diegoooo! Where are you, you prick?”

Nothing.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are! We could get donuts. Waffles? Fresh set of knives and a burglar to stick them in?”

Nothing.

Not only did Diego not appear, Klaus couldn’t even sense him. It was like humping air.

Diego wasn’t coming. Diego didn’t care.

* * *

A few months later, while levitating in mid-air (ahem, being held up by an extremely tired-of-this-bullshit Ben), Klaus thought of Allison. 

He looked out into the audience, heard the thunderous applause, saw the faces in awe, and wondered if the indifference he felt — the notion that the crowd was merely rooting for the _idea_ of him, not the _real_ him — was how Allison felt about her own fame.

He wondered if she yearned to feel talented and hypnotic and glamorous but instead just felt hollow — undeserving and even a non-teensy-bit guilty of the undue hype. 

He also just wanted to laugh with her, see her appreciate the sheer showmanship and ridiculousness of it all. As kids, the two of them would sneak into each other’s rooms at night to try on Grace's heels, hats, and jewelry, and act out little vignettes. He yearned to experience that again.

So, after Klaus finished "levitating" (ending with Ben spitting out an aggressive “you’re welcome!”), he ran into the guest room in Kitty’s house, aka his current home, and tried to find Allison.

“Dear, Miss Allison Hargreeves,” he composed in his head. “Your very favorite broth — no wait, Luther… your second fav — no wait, Ben… your most bewitching brother Klaus humbly requests the gift of your company, henceforth heretofore.”

His hands glowed, but nothing. Nada. Zilch.

“Pretty please? Alliiiiiie?”

Nope.

Allison wasn’t coming. Allison didn’t care.

* * *

Klaus felt like shit. Both literally (after consuming some weird-ass tea, he kept needing to use the bathroom) and figuratively (he knew, despite pretending like he didn’t, that he was a piece of shit for starting a ~~n alternative spiritual community~~ cult.)

He wanted to talk to Vanya. She knew what it was like to feel stuck — to feel unseen despite many, many eyes on you. She had written about it in her book, about how the world knew The Umbrella Academy but didn’t give a shit about her.

The world, or at least thousands of its residents, knew of Destiny’s Children but they didn’t know Klaus. Not really.

So, Klaus snuck outside the compound one night — away from those idiots who stole his token tattoos, away from Ben — and tried to find her.

“Vanny?” He called out, focused on the blue of his fingertips. “I’d love to talk to you, sis. Care to chat around a campfire? I’ll make s’mores?”

The wind answered, hollowing.

“Vanya?”

But Klaus saw no one. Nothing. He felt nothing.

Vanya wasn’t coming. Vanya didn’t care.

* * *

“What do you think Luther did all day up there?” Klaus asked Ben.

“Up where?”

Klaus pointed to the moon.

“Beyond all that science-y bullshit for Dad. Think he did yoga on it? Danced on it? Fucked on it? Gawwwwd, I’d love to fuck on the moon…knock anti-gravity boots, join the 15-mile high club.”

“The moon is a lot farther away than that, Klaus. Closer to 240,000 miles.”

“All the more reason then.”

“You can try summoning him, you know,” Ben suggested, softly. “Ask Luther yourself.”

“But he’s not dea—”

“I know you think they might be. I know you’ve tried on Diego, Allison, and Vanya.”

“HOW?!”

“I can hear, dumbass. You don't exactly have a quiet voice.”

“Oh.”

“So, what’s the harm in trying it, then? Try Luther.”

Klaus looked around them, searching to see if anyone else was in the vicinity. Nope, the coast was clear. It was past 3 a.m. and his followers were all in their cabins, whereas he and Ben were lying out on the grass, stargazing. (Ben’s idea, to help Klaus with his insomnia.)

So Klaus let his hands glow. “Luther? Here, monkey monkey. Come on out, monkey monkey.”

Klaus gasped. He felt something! Too bad it was just Ben slapping him.

No Luther. Luther didn’t care.

* * *

Ben wouldn’t shut the hell up about Five. 

_“Try summoning Five, Klaus.” “He might be able to explain what went wrong, Klaus.” “I want the company of a non-idiot, Klaus.”_

This went on for weeks and weeks and weeks. But Klaus refused every time. If he tried to find Five and couldn’t, then that would be it; He’d have no more hope left. No more Hargreeves siblings to tick off the ghost search list.

Plus, Klaus simply couldn’t bear the idea of seeing his 13-year-old brother dead. Sure, he knew that Five was really a 58-year-old deadly assassin (with a mannequin fetish to boot) but still. He’d _look_ 13\. The sight would remind Klaus far too much of young Five upon leaving the Academy, never to be heard from for decades again.

But gahhhhhhh Ben. Just. Wouldn’t. Shut. Up. About. It. 

...and Klaus had to give in.

“If I do it, will you play poker with me?” he asked during their long drive back to Dallas.

“You mean, ‘will I _cheat_ with you at poker’?”

“Mmm, mouthy. Guess that’s a no-deal then.”

“Argh, fine,” Ben agreed. “But no more strip poker. I’ve seen… way too much.”

So, Klaus pulled the car over, flung himself into the backseat directly from the front, and tried to find Five.

“One, two, three, four, Five,” he sung the opener of _Mambo No. 5_. “Everybody in the car, so come on, little-old man, don’t hide.”

Nothing. Klaus motioned dramatically around the vehicle, glaring at Ben. _See?_

“Keep trying.”

Klaus closed his eyes this time. “Fiiiiiiive. Come on, man. We need you here! Please? We’ll even steal you a —” 

He turned to Ben, “What was his puppet’s name again? Delilah?”

“His mannequin? Delores.”

“...a Delores! Come on, buddy! We miss you!”

Both brothers waited.

But nope, nothing.

Five wasn’t coming. Five didn’t care.

* * *

  
  


Turns out, each of the siblings had a pretty good reason for not returning Klaus's afterlife phone calls: They weren’t dead.

So, um, yay? (Yes, yay indeed. Klaus had enthusiastically hugged each of them upon reuniting. Well, except for Five; Klaus didn’t want his hands bitten off by a pubescent-shaped demon, thanks.)

And now, in the FBI building, it seems like they’ve saved the day… prevented the apocalypse yet again! Vanya is walking toward Klaus, looking safe and healthy and even (cautiously) optimistic. 

It feels amazing. Or at least, it should. Something’s missing. Klaus’s head hurts.

Actually, no, it feels empty. Whereas usually — for the last 17 plus years — Klaus had felt Ben hanging out, making his snarking, judgemental self right at home rent-free in the corner of Klaus's mind, there’s nothing there.

“Ben?” He calls out, though not out loud. “Come oooon. Ben? Mi hermano favorito?"

He waits. Nothing.

"BENJAMIN ULYSSES HARGREEVES! Get the fuck over here! Family celebration, stat!”

Klaus waits.

And waits.

And waits.

He taps his head again, testing.

But no Ben. He’s not coming back.

Klaus can feel an oncoming black hole of grief ready to suck him in. But will Diego, Allison, Vanya, Luther, or Five care?

**Author's Note:**

> Blahhhhh. I'm not too enthused about this one. I may up deleting and completing remaking this later. BUT I can't sleep right now and feel like getting this out there, so here we are.
> 
> Leave comments if you don't hate it? I live for none-hate validation.
> 
> Oh and I don't ~actually think that Ben's middle name is Ulysses. I'm betting none of the siblings have middle names. But I 1000% believe that whenever Klaus is especially angry at Ben, he calls him by his full name - adding in a different middle name each time.


End file.
